yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
