You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
