took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
