I hate all girls vehemently.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
