chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
