just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We're too hungover to prance.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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