when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize