i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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