i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize