he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
