Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
is wine microwaveable?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
