Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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