Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize