he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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