i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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