listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize