Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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