I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
