Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize