She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
