hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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