my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize