dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
