And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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