Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize