Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
