I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
