lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize
