is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
