apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize