there was a trapeze. enough said
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
