If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize