Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
