I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
