we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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