i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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