Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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