she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
