Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
