There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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