i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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