omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
