I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
