apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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