I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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