Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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