1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
