well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
