yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize