I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
