you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
