I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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