youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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