Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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