love makes seman taste better
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
