Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
