I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize