the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
