I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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