Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im six kinds of drunk right now
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
