I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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