That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
