I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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