Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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