allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
