Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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