I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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