just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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