In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
