it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
