In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
