Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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