My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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