yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
