we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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