Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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