we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
