please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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