my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
